I got off my High Horse

You are not really better than anyone yunno

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Headline meaning

To get off your high horse

if you tell someone to, or suggest that someone should, get off their high horse, you are suggesting they stop behaving in a superior manner

You know that feeling when you get into a new environment and don't want to relate with anyone because somehow you believe that everyone’s thinking capacity is not the same as yours

Osheyyy intelligent *keeds*

Well, you may not be entirely wrong, but to a certain degree, you are. And to another degree, it’s a manifestation of pride. Maybe, just maybe.

Let me walk you down this part of my own life as a 100-level student in 2022. See, as a young aspiring Nigerian student, it is one thing for you to write JAMB and it's another thing for you to get your desired course, I see some of you laughing in PTSD, y’all seem to be too familiar with what I'm talking about. (This made me laugh too, so laugh well if you want to laugh)

But for real, I've heard wild things! What! From an aspiring Medical Doctor to a practicing Fisherman, my God! Kaiii! That kind prophetic strong ooo

Oya oya, let’s get serious, I'm going somewhere with that my headline and you have to promise me that you will stay tuned till the end. So my dear, lock in, sharp

Now, that was my case, I desired one course but I had to go for another, and although I joyfully accepted it, I grew a strong resentment on resumption

(I remember seeing my admission while at the Redemption camp during Messiah's Marathon Praise [MMP] 2022. I had prayed about it because all my friends who we applied together had seen theirs, and I was getting disturbed but God came through for me, so why resentment? Read on)

On resumption, it appeared as though I was in the wrong place, everything and everyone just seemed to irritate me. If you know me, you’d know that I'm not really the silent one, but in school, no one knew what my voice sounded like or who I was frankly speaking.

I was so withdrawn from the rest of my class and I was angry too. So angry that someone trying to copy from my note while the lecturer was dictating would piss me off because “Why are you slow???”

I had made up my mind to take JAMB again (which I did) reapply for another course, leave LASU or start afresh.

Hmmmm

Somebody say life! *Laughs in Things Fall Apart*

Life lifed and it was only then I knew that I was in it for the long run, there wasn't going to be any running away

I continued in school, still with zero attempts to make any tangible interaction with my Coursemates. When we resumed 200 level, it became clear to me that the supposed disgust I was walking with had turned to pride or had been pride all along.

Oh, let me add that I still took Jamb again in 200 level but woe unto he who puts his trust in man. Lol. When I resumed for my second semester in 200 level, there was this assignment that we had to submit within the first two weeks of resumption, I can't remember exactly what course it was, but when I went to submit my assignment, I met our then-HOC with one other lady seated, who was apparently my Coursemate. The lady looks at me and goes “English Education?” I respond, yes.

She looks again and says, “How come I've never seen you? I thought I knew everyone in this department” I said I wasn't really social (omoo), and she then asked as if in doubt “Are you a direct entry student?” (these are students who joined us in 200 level), I responded, no.

Thankfully, my HOC knew me, so she just said something to the lady, I submitted my assignment and left

I still remember those words now because they did something to me. I thought about it over and over again and then I didn’t know when I began to tell people, my friends especially, who cared to listen. I would think about it and laugh to myself then tell someone else and laugh again

But even then, I still gave JAMB a trial, afterall, in my book, I wasn't far gone. My people e no work ooo

In between all of these, I had started to develop a kind of self-hate, I blamed myself for certain outcomes of my life, and my only solace was that I had and still have friends in my school who I had known from either my childhood, secondary school days or church family. So their company was my escape and yes, I had one friend, who was my Coursemate, she majors in English while mine has Education behind it. You get

At a point, I started taking a lot of pictures in school to make myself happy and it worked. Small sha. But behind those pictures was a girl trying to cope with the disappointments she couldn't make sense of. What happened to the perfect life plan?

By 16 I’ll be done with secondary school

By 17, I’ll get admission to study my dream course

I'll graduate by 21, I’ll xyz this and that

Omooo😂

In 200 level, we started having quite some group work and it led to me actively interacting with a few of my coursemates, I was a bit relieved, and I was making progress. God had begun to work on my heart, He first had to rewire the thought that my coursemates were not people of my level. Everything that made me feel special from the rest of them had to die because I wasn't

It was only then, that I started to make mindful communication and connections with my coursemates, I started asking for numbers, asking for courses to borrow (oh how alone I was), and I got talking with them! (This was already around my third year)

And so last week, I sat down trying to make out the meaning of one assignment and I began to look back on the faithfulness and mercy of God, particularly about how much my relationship with my coursemates has grown. I found out we have amazing people who are functioning in the same niche as I am and now we are even looking forward to collaborations. Oh I kid you not when I say gratitude swept over my soul

And now this is where I'm driving, maybe this is you, maybe you were once like me or you are like me, you probably feel the same way I felt in 100 level, but see, you are not better than anyone ooo, let me just tell you. Go back to the Bible text I put at the beginning of this mail, read it again and let this be your sign to get off your high horse

Do you think God is not aware of this present thing you are struggling with? Do you think he does not know you didn't want that course? What if he has a purpose for you in it? Don't be like me who although grateful now wishes there were certain things I did differently, certain clubs and societies I joined earlier

Better wise up and humble yourself

That confidence you have in yourself that you are calling high self-esteem may be deeply rooted in pride. Open your eyes to see and ask God to search you

In that space that you are, there are many people you can learn from, so many! There’s a lot you stand to gain if you will sit down and be humble. Some of my coursemates are now recipients of my weekly letters and the best part? They are so supportive. My dear, get off that high horse. You have nothing to lose

In God’s calendar, you can be late and still be on time.

That’s my two cents for you this week

God bless you dearly

See you at the other end on Sunday

Same time

Same station

Daalu🫶🏽 (For some reason, I'm interested in learning Igbo)

Nuff said. This mail should have closed😂

Bye!

TFA💜